I feel sick

Let me keep this as a diary if its alright...
Is this some part of adolescence? Is this what you call "mood swings"? It feels very irritating doesn't it ? It makes me mad
Whoever knew losing something "precious" would feel this bad... I couldn't call this a grief I guess, but I'd call it sad
 Yes I lost an iPad hahahaha
I have many weird imaginations over these kind of events, when I lost something often I wonder if this is the punishment of God because of my bad habits for skipping prayers and spoiling my sins. I wanted to stay away from my sins but its really hard. I've been reading the Holy Quran for guides but its not helping me. I've read about some stuff about "people whom hearts have been sealed by God", explaining how those people with sealed hearts are the ones who never shows any respects or prayers upon God and obviously, I never want to become one of those people because I love having strong faith in myself. It helps me with living life and prevent myself from doing (bad) things.

But really now, what is the point of me being a firm believer but doesn't pray at all??
Is my heart sealed?
I need to save myself soon!
But yes apparently this kind of encouragement is a habit in myself. I would describe it as "words, not action" It really frustrates me, this kind of thinking but often the people around me never notices the good actions I did and would only believe in me with "words" and this got me very very confused

I shall still pray to God, I want God's leadership and I want my life to be guided upon It.